A Joyful Spirit

A willing heart and a joyful spirit sounds like a simple thing. As a wife, a mother, a daughter and a sister I often feel joyful in loving those around me. I sacrifice my own needs for others and I do it willingly because they are worth it to me. But as this holiday season approaches I struggle with giving my whole heart to those around me as I know the toll the season will take on my body and spirit.

A decadent spread to lay, a mountain of dishes to clean, a multitude of guests to entertain are all part of my family’s Thanksgiving Feast. As past times have proven, I’ll start out spilling joy and excitement to those around me and as the days go on and the load becomes heavy I’ll end the season like the Grinch. One who wishes for someone else to do the cooking, someone else to clean the dishes and someone else to provide the entertaining.

And that’s the beginning of the end.

Aggravation stirs in my heart giving way to frustration which inevitably turns to blame of those responsible for my sacrifice. If only they knew the cost of my sacrifice they would not be so joyful in partaking of my gift. And so my heart becomes calloused and rooted in bitterness and resentment toward those whom I’m to love.

And Satan wins.

But I’m reminded of the Lord’s sacrifice and how he gave His son willingly. Jesus didn’t come kicking and screaming and being dragged to the cross. He came with a willing heart. And although I can only imagine the cost of the sacrifice, I partake in His gift. Daily. As a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a sinner. And yet He holds no grudge against me and blames me not.

So as I approach this holiday season I pray for the Lord to make me like Jesus. One who closes my heart off to Satan and opens it to the rest of the world. Giving my efforts willingly and lovingly to those who partake of what I have to offer and holding no grudges or disdain toward anyone I am commanded to love. And I pray for you my dear readers that YOU will have a willing heart in all that you do this season so the Lord can shine through YOU!!

A Life Like Job's

I’ve recently read the first few chapters of Job. He was a good man. A wealthy man. And seemed to have it all figured out. As I continued to read I became intrigued at the insight revealed in the relationship between the Lord and Satan. As a Christian I often put the Lord and the Enemy on different sides and rightfully so, but I don’t believe I’ve ever thought about them communicating. Does Satan often petition God to torment his children? Does the Heavenly Father give permission so willingly? It’s a concept I can’t explain or understand. But I do know one thing. The Lord limits Satan’s power.

And I am comforted by this. It reminds me that no matter what Satan has planned for me, the Lord is still in control. Satan may be the prince of this world, but the world is full of God’s children. And I truly believe He doesn’t want harm to come to any of them. But I also know the Lord is certain I will be stronger from the trials I undergo. And so He doesn't give me more than I can handle.

Because with Him, all things are possible.

In many ways I am like Job. I have become angry with God. Questioned Him. I have asked Him why I was born and even asked Him to take my life. But now that I've I read through the entire book of Job I have learned that because of Job’s perseverance and faithfulness to the Lord, he was rewarded in the end. He even ended up better than he’d started out! So even though the road is tough I encourage you to push through the pain and persevere. And hold out to the end because the best is yet to come.

One Stitch at a Time

In Beth Moore’s Personal Reflection Series Jesus: 90 days with the One and Only, she presents this concept that the Lord heals us stitch by stitch.¹ And she put in my mind the image of the Lord literally sewing me up.¹ As I rolled it over in my mind I began to fall in love with this concept.

Here I am wounded physically, spiritually and emotionally. And as the Ultimate Healer, he comes along with a needle and thread and begins to sew. Mending me one stitch at a time.¹ Often putting me back together in the way He sees fit and in the time He sees fit. In certain moments it’s painful and uncomfortable but it’s something that must be done for me to be completely and fully healed. He takes careful consideration with the parts that are tender to the touch and other times it’s clean and quick to minimize the pain.

But most importantly it’s a process. One that He takes his time with insuring I am being sewn up in the proper manner. Sometimes when I’ve gotten myself into a real catastrophe a scar is left. But the scar is a nice smooth line barely noticeable to the naked eye. And when I run my hands across it no pain surfaces because He has healed it through and through.

And because He is such a great healer I can trust Him time and again to heal what is broken. To make me whole. To make me His. His unfailing love is unconditional and merciful. If you have been wounded and are in need of some healing I ask if you’ve been to the Ultimate Healer. Have you let him stitch you up and put you back together one piece at a time?

1   Moore, B. (2007). Proclaiming provision. In B&H Publishing Group (Eds.), Jesus: 90 days With the One and Only (pp. 81-86). Nashville: B&H Publishing Group.

Be on Guard

Satan has been alive and active in my life these past few weeks. I have lost all sense of balance and control in my life. Which of course the concept that I even had control of my life is an illusion as God controls all things, but I’ll save that for another blog post J I have found it difficult to focus on the things that need to be done around my house as well as tend to my children with a willing heart. Not to mention this “summer cold” that has attacked my body knocking me out for the count. And I can’t help but wonder why all of this has hit my family at this particular time in my life. And as my mind peruses through the past few weeks it all becomes painfully clear.

The Lord has used my writing to reach others. I have this blog of course, but I have also been published on another blog. You may find that article here.  I have been given the opportunity to write in my chiropractor’s magazine as well as a few other projects the Lord has put on my heart. And as I know God’s purpose for me and see with my own eyes the path in which he has put me on, baby steps are being taken to reach the end goal. And I can’t help but feel that Satan is furious at the work that is being done. And this makes me smile. As I think about the good things that are to be done in the Lord’s name I must also realize that Satan is going to fight back with a vengeance.

So as I think about the timing of all of these things I should not be surprised that I’ve been thrown off my axis and need to regain balance. My friend Tia Stone and I are reading the Bible in a year. She’s a runner and would call it a Bible Reading Marathon! We have been keeping one another accountable and “checking in” so that we don’t get too far behind or fall out of the race all together. As I had let life get in the way I was about 6 days behind (which in Bible Land-that’s A LOT) but today I took some time to catch up. And it’s amazing how getting back on track with that has restored some of the balance I’d lost. If you find yourself thrown off your own axis pick up the Bible, it’s a good place to start in regaining your balance. And be on guard for whatever the evil one may throw your way because if you're doing the Lord's work, it's sure to come.

Marriage in the Face of Illness

Maintaining a healthy marriage in the midst of chronic illness is difficult to say the least. And the evil one would have me believe that it is an impossible task and one not worthy of trying to accomplish. He forces his way into the cracks and crevices of my marriage and attacks with a vengeance.

Early on in my marriage, when my illness first struck, my husband and I realized we were being targeted. And as Satan wiggled his way in we had to find a way to kick him out and put up barriers.  We filled in the cracks and covered up the crevices. But that was only half the battle. We soon realized that if we didn’t change the dynamic of our marriage Satan would continue to poke and prod at our weak spots. So we girded up our loins and put together a battle plan.

Communication was at the top of the list. Most importantly with the Lord. Together. As a unit. But we also needed open honest communication with each other. If we weren’t honest about our frustrations regarding the situation and discuss them on a regular basis, resentment would soon put a wedge between us that only God could remove. So we talked. And talked. And talked some more. You know that kind of discussion that you have so often that it couldn’t be any deader if you beat it with a doornail? That’s the one. At first, the discussions were more like bickering and complaining. Mainly about how much we “disliked” the situation itself. But once we came to terms with the fact our situation was not changing we then sought the help of those who were going through similar circumstances. And we listened and we learned.

Teamwork was next in line. Despite my illness chores still had to be done and children had to be fed. So we devised a plan of attack. By trial and error I discovered which household chores were detriments to my recovery and which ones were not. And as juvenile as it sounds, we developed a chore chart. I became responsible for the cooking, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms while my husband accepted the responsibility of the laundry and washing of the bath tubs. And keep in mind as my health increases or decreases in severity we tag team one another’s chores. As he is the main breadwinner of our household it is important to me that he does as little as possible around the house. And the children do their share as well.

For us it’s about meeting one another’s needs. Helping each other with the hand we’ve been dealt and leaning not on our own understanding. This is the “in sickness and in health” part that we never thought would apply to us. But now that it does, we are learning how to maintain a household and a marriage through extenuating circumstances. And seeking all the help we can get! 

Identity Crisis

All I ever wanted to be was a mom.  I had no aspirations of being a teacher, a dietician, a doctor or a savvy business woman.  I wanted to find my best match and start a family.  And the Lord provided.  But little did I know that I’d have the TOUGHEST job in the world.  And somehow I became all of the other professions I had never aspired to be (minus the savvy)!

As my afflictions became part of my daily life.  I often wondered who I was and if I still wanted to be a mom.  I couldn’t participate in the physical activities I had in my youth.  I could no longer stay up late with the girls.  I couldn't attend work.  I had children to take care of and for the most part they took care of me.  Who had I become?  Not the fun girl of my youth.  Sure, the Lord had given me all I ever asked for, but was this it?

Don’t get me wrong, being a mom has had tremendous rewards.  And I love my children to the depths of my soul.  But somewhere along the way I had forgotten what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My sickness controls so much of what I am able to do and is so much a part of who I am that I’m no longer the same person I used to be.  And this saddens me.  I liked her.  A LOT.

Leaving the past behind,  I wonder if I have changed because of circumstance or if this is how God has shaped me into who He wants me to be.  If none of this had ever happened would I still be the same person I am today?   Or was I always meant to be this girl? 

I’ve come to realize that the Lord has given me all I’ve ever asked for.  He has heard my prayers and answered my cries, but I can’t do it alone.  Every day is a struggle and He has been with me every step of the way, carrying me through and guiding me in the direction He would have me go.  So that I may continue to be the person He’s always intended me to be.

Whether I am a teacher, a dietician, a doctor, a business woman or a mom I am foremost a child of God.  And that’s just who I want to be when I grow up.

A Person of Action

I used to be a person of action.  One who participated in every youth function I was involved in.  One who looked for a place to serve.  One who gave my heart freely without question.  One who dreamt of making a difference in this big wide world.  And then my world was turned upside down, and I lost the will to do anything.

Unable to enjoy life I sank into a pitty party that lasted for about 10 years.  As I’ve gradually worked through the struggles, I’ve come to realize that being a person of action [again] is what I want for my future.  One in which I can serve the Lord through my writing and use my talent of encouragement to reach others who are in need.

As I thought about how to do this I thought about something Dave Ramsey said on his radio show at the beginning of the year.  He was talking of goal setting and how dreams only become achievable when they are written down.  So I began to write.  I made of list of the things I wanted to accomplish on a daily basis and what I wanted to accomplish long term.

Making the list has made a world of difference.  I’ve never been a ‘goal setter’ but I’ve been amazed at how well I’ve stayed on course.  Four months in and I’m two weeks ahead on my daily bible read.  I’m writing weekly as I balance three different projects.  

I also recommend having someone of accountability.  I need to give a big shout out to Tia Stone who has enabled me to stay ahead of the game in my Bible reading.  Otherwise I would have quit a month after I started.  Thanks girl!

So do what you must to discover your God given talents.  Map out a plan and find someone to take with you on the journey.  Pray. Pray. Pray.  And be a person of action, despite your afflictions.