Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Sickness of the Mind

Satan fooled me into thinking there was no way out of the darkness.  The light was a mere pinprick from where I sat.  Unable to move from my bed, unable to love my husband or care for my child, because of a migraine so painful all I could do was sleep it off.  The daily aches and pains kept me bedridden.  The guilt from not being a proper mother and wife was too much to bear.  And this was with medication.  
The darkness hovered over me suffocating any hope that lingered in the depths of my soul.  The enemy whispered thoughts of pity, sorrow and hatred for my life.  Death the only way out.  It did not matter of the family I’d leave behind because I had faith enough God would take care of them.  I just didn’t have faith God would take care of me.  And my mind forged a plan.
Being a coward, I prayed every night for the Lord to take me, but the spirit of the Almighty intervened.   And before any action was taken God rescued me from the claws of Satan.  He poured His grace upon me, and more light escaped through the pinprick punching me straight to the heart.  He pulled my mind from the darkness and drove me out of a land of helplessness into a land of abundance. 
I am certain the Lord knew if I’d have stayed in my current environment I would have succumbed to the lies of Satan.  And within two months from forging the plan, I found myself surrounded by loved ones who could help.  Family who understood the depths of my sorrow.  Doctors who could diagnose and help manage my pain.  And a magnificent church family who wouldn’t judge me by my circumstances.  To all of these merciful souls, I say ‘Thank You’.
Not long after, my Heavenly Father blessed me with another child.  To this I was quite shocked.  The decision to have no more children had already been made.  Or so I thought.  Why would He give me another child to which I could not care for?  Satan jumped at this opportunity and took advantage of the looming darkness. 
But by this time, I was aware of his tactics and recognized him in this form.  So I began to pray a different prayer.  A prayer of Life!   My God had brought me out of the darkest depths of my soul to a place where the pinprick of light had burst open, shining directly on my face.  The warmth flooded my soul and I was amazed at His glory.  The circumstances of my health had not changed.  But He surrounded me with His children and put the proper people in my path, changing my heart, my soul and my outlook on life.  Forever.
My prayer for you, if you are one struggling through the darkness, is to hold fast to the Lord Almighty and cling to His truth.  For He is not one of lies, as the enemy would have you believe.  Learn to recognize the evil one’s tactics, for they will be specific to your own weaknesses.  Bare yourself naked before the Lord crying out for His help and trust Him to break through the darkness with the light of His glory.  For He has said, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11: 28).


  1. It is interesting to me how the Lord allows events in our lives where He is the only source of healing, comfort, peace, and salvation. I know He longs for us to reach out to him so that His awesome mercy can be made known in our lives. My lowest low was mourning my inability to have children. It took me a long time to reach out to Him. And He has graciously made me the mother of three through adoption and foster care......AND now one growing within me! May His name be praised for His grace and mercy that he lavishes on us.

  2. Amanda~ Yes! It is very interesting! I've also found in my life, in those very same instances, God is glorified through my struggles and weakness. I think we all can look through our lives and pinpoint our 'lowest low'. I am SO glad that God has carried you through and is continuing to work in your life as a mom. Yay!!! for #'s 1,2,3 & 4 :)