Mommy guilt is inevitable when struggling with physical limitations. It consumes me. And the enemy uses it to take away any happiness motherhood would otherwise bring. Doubts flood my mind and worry encompasses my entire being as I fear any repercussions my illness might cause. And there are always repercussions. It’s simply cause and effect. Will my children’s spiritual lives suffer because I have not always been of sound mind in teaching what needs to be learned? Will their social skills be inhibited because playgroups were only an occasional outing? How can they be taught integrity and righteousness when I’m not physically able to be consistent in their upbringing? And will their church attendance be sporadic when they reach adulthood because I failed in leading by example?
I don’t have the answers to any of these questions. But God knows. And He has a plan. Of this I am certain. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know that plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” For years I’ve wondered why the Lord placed my spirit in such a weak body. Even from birth I fought for life, only to be fighting for strength throughout the life I’ve been blessed. But His will is accomplished even through my weakness, even because of it. He’s used my weakness to keep me close to Him and to be an encouragement to others. This has been proven to me time and again.
And so I have faith that in seeking Him first and foremost, putting His will before my own and responding to His Holy Nudges, through actions and prayers, that my children will come through this stronger and with a better understanding of God’s love. The Lord has turned my mommy guilt into growing experiences for my children.
My once four year old who made me lunch and took care of me is now maturing into a responsible eleven year old. He’s used these instances to mold her into what He wants her to be. But it’s not easy. As parents we don’t want our children to suffer, especially due to our own inabilities. But when I can see how my children are growing closer to God through my weaknesses, I wouldn’t want it any other way. In what way is God using your weakness to accomplish His plans for you and yours?