Emotions wavered as I thought of what I might say. Some days were filled with confidence and others with complete fear. Speaking in front of a large group is out of my comfort zone and I did not want to do this task the Lord had set before me. But the scripture “Not my will but Thine” planted itself on my heart.
I had two weeks to prepare. Plenty of time right? But as each day crept closer and closer I realized I just needed to sit down and get it all out on paper. As a writer this was a natural response, but I found it helped tremendously. As there are so many aspects to my illness writing it out really helped me focus on what needed to be said.
But Satan started his attacks as if we’d just entered into a furious battle. He thought if he took my rock out from under me I’d lose my support. So two days before I was to speak, my husband fell at work spraining his ankle, putting him in bed for 3 days. Then the enemy decided I’d succumb if he messed with my physical body. Goiters and headaches sat in that same day.I must admit after losing my rock and my thyroid giving me fits, I wondered whether or not I could pull it off. Then the evil one planted lice in my youngest daughter’s hair when she went to school the next day (and I know that came from Satan as I’ve yet to determine the good Lord’s purpose in creating those nasty little bugs).
So the only logical conclusion was that Satan did not want my story to be told. And this made me smile. If I had ever doubted telling my story before, now I knew my story had to be told. But the day of my talk I wanted to bail. Multiple times. As fear grabbed hold of my heart and butterflies fluttered inside, my thoughts became jumbled and I started losing focus.
I called upon my friends and family to pray and I felt the prayers they offered up on my behalf.
But once I sat in front of that room I felt His presence. And I realized I could do this. Even though I didn’t have the confidence to pull this off on my own, when the Lord stepped up beside me I was walking in His confidence.
And I asked myself, how are we to help one another and carry each other’s burdens if we don’t share our struggles? And how are we to lift one another up if no one talks about the battles within.As the Lord once again came to my rescue that night I knew I could do all things through Christ who stregnthened me. He’s never failed me. And He won’t fail you. Gird up your loins and walk in God Confidence telling your own story so that the Lord may be made perfect in your weakness.