Be on Guard

Satan has been alive and active in my life these past few weeks. I have lost all sense of balance and control in my life. Which of course the concept that I even had control of my life is an illusion as God controls all things, but I’ll save that for another blog post J I have found it difficult to focus on the things that need to be done around my house as well as tend to my children with a willing heart. Not to mention this “summer cold” that has attacked my body knocking me out for the count. And I can’t help but wonder why all of this has hit my family at this particular time in my life. And as my mind peruses through the past few weeks it all becomes painfully clear.

The Lord has used my writing to reach others. I have this blog of course, but I have also been published on another blog. You may find that article here.  I have been given the opportunity to write in my chiropractor’s magazine as well as a few other projects the Lord has put on my heart. And as I know God’s purpose for me and see with my own eyes the path in which he has put me on, baby steps are being taken to reach the end goal. And I can’t help but feel that Satan is furious at the work that is being done. And this makes me smile. As I think about the good things that are to be done in the Lord’s name I must also realize that Satan is going to fight back with a vengeance.

So as I think about the timing of all of these things I should not be surprised that I’ve been thrown off my axis and need to regain balance. My friend Tia Stone and I are reading the Bible in a year. She’s a runner and would call it a Bible Reading Marathon! We have been keeping one another accountable and “checking in” so that we don’t get too far behind or fall out of the race all together. As I had let life get in the way I was about 6 days behind (which in Bible Land-that’s A LOT) but today I took some time to catch up. And it’s amazing how getting back on track with that has restored some of the balance I’d lost. If you find yourself thrown off your own axis pick up the Bible, it’s a good place to start in regaining your balance. And be on guard for whatever the evil one may throw your way because if you're doing the Lord's work, it's sure to come.

Marriage in the Face of Illness

Maintaining a healthy marriage in the midst of chronic illness is difficult to say the least. And the evil one would have me believe that it is an impossible task and one not worthy of trying to accomplish. He forces his way into the cracks and crevices of my marriage and attacks with a vengeance.

Early on in my marriage, when my illness first struck, my husband and I realized we were being targeted. And as Satan wiggled his way in we had to find a way to kick him out and put up barriers.  We filled in the cracks and covered up the crevices. But that was only half the battle. We soon realized that if we didn’t change the dynamic of our marriage Satan would continue to poke and prod at our weak spots. So we girded up our loins and put together a battle plan.

Communication was at the top of the list. Most importantly with the Lord. Together. As a unit. But we also needed open honest communication with each other. If we weren’t honest about our frustrations regarding the situation and discuss them on a regular basis, resentment would soon put a wedge between us that only God could remove. So we talked. And talked. And talked some more. You know that kind of discussion that you have so often that it couldn’t be any deader if you beat it with a doornail? That’s the one. At first, the discussions were more like bickering and complaining. Mainly about how much we “disliked” the situation itself. But once we came to terms with the fact our situation was not changing we then sought the help of those who were going through similar circumstances. And we listened and we learned.

Teamwork was next in line. Despite my illness chores still had to be done and children had to be fed. So we devised a plan of attack. By trial and error I discovered which household chores were detriments to my recovery and which ones were not. And as juvenile as it sounds, we developed a chore chart. I became responsible for the cooking, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms while my husband accepted the responsibility of the laundry and washing of the bath tubs. And keep in mind as my health increases or decreases in severity we tag team one another’s chores. As he is the main breadwinner of our household it is important to me that he does as little as possible around the house. And the children do their share as well.

For us it’s about meeting one another’s needs. Helping each other with the hand we’ve been dealt and leaning not on our own understanding. This is the “in sickness and in health” part that we never thought would apply to us. But now that it does, we are learning how to maintain a household and a marriage through extenuating circumstances. And seeking all the help we can get! 

Identity Crisis

All I ever wanted to be was a mom.  I had no aspirations of being a teacher, a dietician, a doctor or a savvy business woman.  I wanted to find my best match and start a family.  And the Lord provided.  But little did I know that I’d have the TOUGHEST job in the world.  And somehow I became all of the other professions I had never aspired to be (minus the savvy)!

As my afflictions became part of my daily life.  I often wondered who I was and if I still wanted to be a mom.  I couldn’t participate in the physical activities I had in my youth.  I could no longer stay up late with the girls.  I couldn't attend work.  I had children to take care of and for the most part they took care of me.  Who had I become?  Not the fun girl of my youth.  Sure, the Lord had given me all I ever asked for, but was this it?

Don’t get me wrong, being a mom has had tremendous rewards.  And I love my children to the depths of my soul.  But somewhere along the way I had forgotten what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My sickness controls so much of what I am able to do and is so much a part of who I am that I’m no longer the same person I used to be.  And this saddens me.  I liked her.  A LOT.

Leaving the past behind,  I wonder if I have changed because of circumstance or if this is how God has shaped me into who He wants me to be.  If none of this had ever happened would I still be the same person I am today?   Or was I always meant to be this girl? 

I’ve come to realize that the Lord has given me all I’ve ever asked for.  He has heard my prayers and answered my cries, but I can’t do it alone.  Every day is a struggle and He has been with me every step of the way, carrying me through and guiding me in the direction He would have me go.  So that I may continue to be the person He’s always intended me to be.

Whether I am a teacher, a dietician, a doctor, a business woman or a mom I am foremost a child of God.  And that’s just who I want to be when I grow up.

A Person of Action

I used to be a person of action.  One who participated in every youth function I was involved in.  One who looked for a place to serve.  One who gave my heart freely without question.  One who dreamt of making a difference in this big wide world.  And then my world was turned upside down, and I lost the will to do anything.

Unable to enjoy life I sank into a pitty party that lasted for about 10 years.  As I’ve gradually worked through the struggles, I’ve come to realize that being a person of action [again] is what I want for my future.  One in which I can serve the Lord through my writing and use my talent of encouragement to reach others who are in need.

As I thought about how to do this I thought about something Dave Ramsey said on his radio show at the beginning of the year.  He was talking of goal setting and how dreams only become achievable when they are written down.  So I began to write.  I made of list of the things I wanted to accomplish on a daily basis and what I wanted to accomplish long term.

Making the list has made a world of difference.  I’ve never been a ‘goal setter’ but I’ve been amazed at how well I’ve stayed on course.  Four months in and I’m two weeks ahead on my daily bible read.  I’m writing weekly as I balance three different projects.  

I also recommend having someone of accountability.  I need to give a big shout out to Tia Stone who has enabled me to stay ahead of the game in my Bible reading.  Otherwise I would have quit a month after I started.  Thanks girl!

So do what you must to discover your God given talents.  Map out a plan and find someone to take with you on the journey.  Pray. Pray. Pray.  And be a person of action, despite your afflictions.

Partnerships and Practicalities

Let’s talk practicalities.  In all my years of struggling with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Hashimotos I have leaned on the Lord.  But I also know that I must do everything in my power to make my quality of life as rich as it can be.  My Lord and I are in a partnership.  Just as in any partnership we have constant communication, concerns and plans to iron out.  And just as He has promised me plans and prosperity I must carry my share of the load and the responsibilities within that partnership. 

Obedience is a MUST.  To follow the guidelines He has set before me through his Word and the leaders of our churches.  I must do what I can to make my attendance at church as regular as possible.  If it means I work part-time instead of full-time to make this happen then so be it.  And some of you may not be able to work at all.  There are times when I am too sick to make it, but I believe God understands my limitations and His grace is sufficient.

Serving is ESSENTIAL.  This is difficult for me as I am not able to serve as often as I’d like.  Nor in ways I would like.   I am involved in things that I can be involved in without sacrificing my family.  I serve in the church nursery when needed and I am involved in a prayer group.  I also facilitate a Bible study with my ‘Beebe Girls’ and I volunteer at the Beebe Schools when I’m able.  Food for the spirit is just as important as food for the body.  And there’s no better food for the soul than helping someone else.

Speaking of food, another responsibility I have in this partnership is LOVE.   And I love my family by cooking for them.  I LOVE to cook, but am often too weak for the long hours entailed.  So, when I’m in a cooking frenzy, I’ll make extra food.  Freezing casseroles and other items to prepare for the days I know are coming.  And in this way I can take the burden away from my husband when he has worked a 10 hour day all he has to do is throw a pan in the oven.

As a parent, my children are to share in these responsibilities.  They are eleven and seven.  Chores are a MUST in this house if we are to function at our best.   I cannot work part-time outside of the home and be expected to care for the entire house all by myself.  So two nights a week my eleven year old does the dishes (along with a few other chores) and my seven year old does  the ‘picking up’ of the living room when things get cluttered (again, along with a few other chores).  These are ways that we work as a team to have the best environment possible under difficult circumstances.

So, I ask you.  Are you in partnership with the Lord?  If not, petition Him for your needs.  And be ready to carry out your responsibilities.  For when we are fully committed to a partnership amazing things can happen.  Especially when your partner is the One and Only!

Judge or Be Judged

I’m ashamed to admit I have judgmental tendencies.  It’s a familial trait.  One I’ve tried to overcome. Sometimes I look at the surface not bothering to look any deeper and then the Lord puts me in my place.  Almost without fail if I’ve had a judgmental encounter, I’ll have a rough couple of days.  It’s the Lord’s way of telling me Remember the only reason you can get out of bed is because of me, so step it down a notch!  Not to say that every time I have a bad day is due to sin, but it’s one of the ways the Almighty gets through to me.

And then the tables turn and I’m the one being judged.  Many have said that I am not healed due to a lack of faith.  Or that my faith must be shallow since my church attendance is not adequate [in their eyes]. 

And most members of the church family that say this haven’t dealt with any type of chronic anything.  They only see what’s on the surface just as I had done.  And then I realized I’ve never shown them what’s beyond the surface.  They see what appears to be normal.  They see me with my make-up on, my hair done up, my clothes ironed and joyful to be worshiping my Father.

So through the course of the years, I’ve swallowed my vanity and allowed my family members to see me when I’m struggling.  Some have seen me at my absolute worst, laying on my deathbed while I nap on their couch and others get just a glimpse of me in my pajamas (yes, I’ve worn my jimjams to church) with no make-up on and the hair disarray.  It’s not a pretty sight, believe me.  But I think it helps others to see the reality of what I struggle with and makes it real for them as much as it is for me.

 My faith in the Lord gives me strength and I have faith enough that the Almighty can heal me.  He’s just choosing not to.  And as His purpose for me is to bring encouragement to others who are chronically weak then I will accept my illness and find the purpose in it, so that He will be glorified through my weakness.  

So heed my warning and please remember the next time you’re inclined to judge realize there is more to the story than meets the eye.  Keep your opinions to yourself lest someone’s eye be turned upon you.

Too Tired to Fight

First, I must ask your forgiveness for letting you down the past few weeks.  Two bouts of strep, two bouts of ‘the bug’, a staph infection and spring break have kept me rather busy.  My children are quite well now, but it seems taking care of them has caught up with me.  This week I’m battling migraines and only doing what I can as I can and I’m tired of the fight.

Today I read about David and his battle with the Philistines.  Uzzah has already died for touching the Ark of the Covenant and David has been anointed king.  The Philistines were upon David and he prayed to the Lord for guidance asking if the Philistines would be handed over to him.  The Lord put the mighty Philistines into David’s hand and David squashed them like a bug.  Then David wrote a song to the Lord.

I love you, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.

He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my

stronghold.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

                he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

                from my foes who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

                but the Lord was my support.

                               

                                -Psalms 18: 1-2 & 16-18

This really resonated with me today as I am feeling the weakness of my human form.  Unable to handle all that is cast my way.  But the Lord is mighty and He will defeat my enemy for me, so that I may rest comfortably in the days to come.  As you go through your week I encourage you to lean on the Lord and be renewed in Him.